Seasons of Love :]

I just went back to givesmehope.com just for something to do, and of coarse they are all amazing, but there are a few I really liked.

• I'm a deaf high school student. Last week was School Spirit Week, and one activity last week was to dress up as an inspirational person you knew or knew about. I went to school without dressing up like anyone, and when I got to school I found that 20 or 30 kids had dressed up like ME! I cried because they understood what I go through. They GMH


• One night, my dad told my family we should all pray for my cousin who is serving in Afghanistan. We later found out that around the same time, he ran over a bomb in his vehicle with 4 other soldiers. All five of them survived with only scratches. Prayer GMH.
  
• While at the store I noticed a man that was obviously mentally challenged. He wanted a free balloon that they give out to kids. They were out. A girl about 5 noticed him crying and walked up to him and said "here mister. you can have mine!" The look on his face was priceless. That girl GMH.
  

Those were three I just really liked. I don't know why. They don't all deal with the same thing or anything. I just thought it was real cute. :]

I wish I could write. Like really write. The stuff that Callie puts on her blog is beautiful. I just get on here and write about nothing. I wish I could do what she does.

So I just found out that my beautiful wife has a date to formal!!! Yay! :D She thought she told me but she didn't. :P This boy she liked asked her and that made me so happy! Now I have to find a date! Haha. I think I'm going to ask that boy I like. :] Everyone is telling me that I should. Haha. Hopefully I can work up enough courage.

My dad is being really douchey I would write about on here, but I don't want to put the effort just for him. I just really hate him. I'm so sick of him. He's such a dick.

I really really love music. So much. It's my soul. I don't even know how to describe the feeling it gives me. Idk...I just love it. Plus I've been getting a ton of new music, but The Beatles are obviously still my favorite. I just want to put some pics on here and I didn't know of what. So I decided on album covers. :] Here we go!

The Beatles. Abbey Road. Obviously my favorite band. Idk if it's my favorite album but it is an amazing one. I just love this cover...always have. It's beautiful.

3Oh!3 make me laugh. They are so white...yet they rap. Haha. Plus I love this symbol. It's so cool! :D

So I've recently fallen in love with All Time Low. Especially this album. They are coming to St. Paul in November, and I would LOVE to go! It would be amazing!!! I love their music!!!

Mayday Parade is another new add to my favorite music. I love them! Especially their song Miserable At Best. It's so sad but I keep listening to it over and over. I love it.

Oh Panic! Haha. I'm actually wearing my Panic! At The Disco shirt right now! :D I like this cd a lot. I actually made out will listening to this cd way back in the day...but I just try not to think about that when I listen to it. Haha. Northern Downpour. Love that song.

Maybe it's not my weekend. But it's gonna my year.

I just wrote this as a note on facebook and decided to put it on here.

TEN things I wish I could say to 10 different people:

1. What I would do with out you? Die. I love you so so much. I don't know if you truly understand how much you mean to me. We have had so many times together. California? Best trip of my entire life. No joke. I don't know if anything will ever compare to that. All of our songs: I gotta a feeling, Don't Trust Me, I know you want me, a whole new world, she had the world, andy you're a star, human, and good day sunshine! Two of those reminded me of yet another thing. Family camp! Remember this year how we sang out own version of Don't Trust Me? And how we got in trouble for singing She Had The World cause it talked about kissing before you are married? Ridiculous!! Haha. You are a major part of who I am. We met back in 5th grade and I remember when you said that The Beatles were your favorite band and I knew of them and liked them too. They probably weren't my favorite band then...but as we became friends they became my favorite band and are now a huge part of my life. That's only one example of how you made me who I am. I could have never made it through life without you. You are one of the most amazing people I've ever met. You are so beautiful, inside and out. I love you!

2. Oh gosh. You are by far the one of the first things that comes to mind my mind when anybody says any of these things: summer of 2009, big sister, best friends, beautiful, amazing....and the list goes on. You are...I don't even know how to put it into words. You have helped me so much. You've listened to me cry so many more times than anyone deserves. You are incredible. Our songs: Shake It and Poker Face! :D I would have never made it through this summer without you. I would be dead now if it wasn't for you. You, like Angie, really have no idea how much you mean to me. And I wish there was some way I could tell you how much you mean to me, but I'm not sure there is a way. I look up to you so so much. Please don't graduate and leave me! I'm so needy!! I love you!

3. My best guy friend. I love you. You never fail to make me laugh. And you are one of the few boys who will put up with me crying and my cramps and everything. Haha. You are an amazing friend and person. I wish you could see how amazing you are. I know my family wants me to be in love with you, but I'm not at all. And I don't mean that as an insult. It's just that you are more of a brother. And it's great to have a guy friend that I know will never break my heart. You are so amazing and talented. Don't worry about doing lights by yourself because you will be fine. And I'll be here to help as much as I can. :] I love you!

4. I did hate you for a long time also. And I regret every second that I did. I don't think I could live without you now. Omg. Rapeville was amazing, and so was the car alarm! And the mother fucking intersection! And the monster! Hahahahahaha! Too many funny times! I laugh when people say it takes a long time to make friends and simply say to them, "Well, 4 months ago I hated Zoey with a deep passion and now she is one of my best friends and my wife! So suck it!" I've never met somebody so much like myself in so many ways. Personality wise, we like almost all the same stuff, and we have a lot of the same family shit (yay for douche bag dads). I've never told you this but I look up to you a lot. We are a lot the same but at the same time you are so much more...out going and crazy. I wish I could be more like you. :] You are an amazing person. I love you so much.

5. Darling. What to say about you. You are amazing, beautiful, everything. We've gone through so many things together. We have gone from being in Canada writing songs about how creepy Mrs. Anderberg to me breaking down crying and you taking me to the Wilkins twins to make me feel better. You have no idea how much you mean to me. We need to go to California together! Just saying. Even though you make fun of me and that hurts my feelings I love you. And I couldn't live with out you.

6. Just tonight you rapped me. Like...that was as close to legit rap as I have ever been. It was kind of scary not going to lie. Haha. But I still love you. Even though you are kind of a dick. You also can be really really sweet. You try to help me understand what's going on when my world is crashing around me. And you are so incredible adorable in everything you do. And I don't mean that in a creepy way at all. I just...I don't now. I just love you.

7. We fight a lot. Haha. And I know I over react to things I probably shouldn't...but that's just me I guess. With how much we fight I sometimes wonder why we are still friends. And then I think...oh my shit! Of course we are still friends. All the times we've had together?? Besides Angie you are my oldest friend that is still one of my best friends. You are truly amazing and I know that I can go to for anything. I love you so much.

8. You are the only friend that has ever held me while I cried. And I love you so much for that. When I hurt you tried to make me feel better by the simplest things. And that's all I could have asked for. You are truly amazing. And I love you so much.

9. So maybe not one you would have expected, but hey that's me. Hmm...I don't know where to even start this one. I guess I just want to say I'm really glad that we are friends after all the shit that happened between us. Back in the day, you were everything to me. I think I liked you a lot more than you ever knew. Heck liked you? I loved you. You were the first boy I ever love. And you were the reason for my first broken heart. The reason I spent so many days crying and doing nothing else. I used to hate you for it. And blame you for it, but I don't anymore. I have obviously forgiven. What people don't get is that I never expected us to be together forever, but that didn't dull the pain of what happened you know? But even after how depressed I was...I don't regret it. You were my first kiss, my first love, my first...everything. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

10. So...this is for Taylor Trimble even though he doesn't have a facebook...and I know he'll never read this Oh you silly silly boy. You never fail to make me laugh cause you are such a little nerd! And I mean that in the nicest of ways. I think you are amazing adorable. And I'm not just saying that because of the reason you all are thinking! You are so amazingly smart. I can't even comprehend how your brain works because you are so beyond my level. And I've never met a nicer person in my life. I've never heard you say anything mean to anyone. I mean we would talk about how the cheerleaders were hoes all the time...but that doesn't count because it's totally true. Haha. I'm going to cry when you and Libby leave me this year. :( I love you!

NINE things about myself:
1. My Brian thinks in music and numbers. Words aren't too good with me.
2. I'm way too emotional.
3. I would be dead without my friends.
4. I love the Beatles with a passion.
5. I trust way too easily.
6. I give my heart away way too easily.
7. I don't like myself very much.
8. I'm kind of annoying.
9. I love life.

EIGHT ways to win my heart:
1. Be adorable.
2. Be nice.
3. Don't make me feel really stupid.
4. Make me feel like I can go to you for anything.
5. Listen to me while I cry.
6. Make everything we do together an adventure.
7. Love my friends as much as I do.
8. Love me.

SEVEN things that cross my mind a lot:
1. Friends.
2. Theatre.
3. Band.
4. Interp. :/
5. Music.
6. Love.
7. Boys. :P

SIX things I do before I fall asleep:
1. Get into pj's.
2. Brush my teeth.
3. Take my contacts out.
4. Watch tv.
5. Pray.
6. Think.

FIVE people [or groups of people] who mean a lot.
1. Angie.
2. Libby.
3. Sean.
4. My family
5. All my other friends!

FOUR things you're wearing right now.
1. Skinny jeans.
2. Zoey's shirt. :P
3. Sweatshirt.
4. Socks.

THREE songs that you listen to often. [Currently]
1. Anything by All Time Low.
2. Anything by The Beatles.
3. Anything by Panic! At The Disco.

TWO things you want to do before you die.
1) Change some body's life.
2) Walk across Abbey Road barefoot.

ONE confession.
1. I'm not sure if I can take it.

And The Band Plays On...

You don't get times like this with out marching band. :(

Yesterday was our last marching band competition. You have no idea how sad that makes me. Like ridiculously sad. It was the first time I've cried in about 5 weeks. I've just loved it so much. Sure, the practices sucked like on Thursday when the windshield was 23 degrees and it was raining and everything but the friendships and good times we had made it totally worth it. I know we still have the chicken dinners, but that's not the same.

And most people would say well at least you have more free time on the weekends now! Except not. Cause now I have to go to interp tournaments on weekends. Vomit. I hate interp so much this year. If I wasn't in the class I would have quit a long time ago. It's so terrible this year. I hate hate hate hate it. I'm quiting at semester time. That is if my mom let's me. Because she thinks the only way I'm going to get a good part in the musical is if I stay in interp. Which is probably true, but at this point I hate it so much I don't even care.

Oh yeah...and a great way to end the season. Rosemount beat us.

More Hope :] And a happy birthday to Jonah! :D

So...let's name some more things that give me hope. :]

Marching Band: 250 kids putting in as much effort as we do. Gives me hope that teenager aren't just lazy people who do absolutely nothing. (Our last competition is tomorrow. I'm starting to cry just thinking about it.)

The Beatles: Give me hope about everything. I love their music so much. :]

Disney Land: It's hard to explain the connection I have with that place, but when I walk in I can feel the magic. Cheesy I know. But I really can. I love it there so much. It's incredible. It gives me hope that we all have an inner child. And it really does give me hope in the magic of imagination.

Taylor Trimble: Gives me hope in the simple fact that people can be absolutely adorable. :]

The whole thing with Rich: Gives me hope that after a ton of shit happens people can still be friends.

After writing the last post and now this part of this one I just feel so...happy. I've realized it's really good to sit down and look at the amazing things in life. Because life is really an amazing thing. It's beautiful. I love it. :]

I feel like I have so much to write about yet I have nothing to write about. That didn't make any sense, did it? Oh well...I guess that's me. :P Oh! I thought of something! Today Sean and I were going to hang out after school and so I called my mom to come pick us up and she said that she couldn't pick us up and so I was like "Ah! Zoey can we have a ride home?" And she said that was fine but we had to go to the mall with her. Haha. Fine with me! :D So we went to the mall with her and some of her friends and stuff. And after we hung out for a while we went home and Sean said to me "I really don't see why everyone hates Zoey so much. She's really cool." And you have no idea how happy that made me! Because that's what I've been saying all along. :] And also it's Jonah's birthday today. :] He just turned one. :]

So...yeah. I love Anige, Libby, Sean, Zoey, Izzy, Brian, Ginny, Trimble, Jordynn, Callie, Bridget, and many many others. :] Just are just the ones I thought of at this moment. :]

When it seems likes there is none...hope appears.

Wow...so Sean told everyone on his blog to check out givemehope.com. Honestly. Do it. It's incredible. I was reading them at school and I had to stop because I was about to cry. They are amazing. So I think I'm going to copy Libby and share some things that give me hope.

Music-In almost any form it pulls me through the day. When I feel like I just can't stand things I just put in my head phones and let my stress melt away.

Lana-My friend from camp. She sends me bible verses every day via text for no reason at all. Today's really applied to what was going on in my life. It was awesome.

Angie-What person doesn't this beautiful smiling girl give hope to? You just look at her and you can feel the hope of humans remaining pure burst through your heart. She's a beautiful girl.

Libby-Gives me hope....in so many ways. You give me hope to show that I can stand up for what I believe in. You give me hope that not everyone has to like me and that's ok. And most of all when I'm breaking and just want to quit, you give me hope to keep holding on. You are an incredible person.

Sean-You give me hope in...unexplainable ways. I guess you just give me the hope of a true friend. :]

Zoey-Gives me hope in forgiveness. She would have never had to forgive me for the way I acted. But she did and is now one of my best friends and my wife.

Izzy-Gives me hope when I forget that people can be just down right crazy! I love her to death.

Brian-Gives me hope that there are good guys out there. Ones who aren't afraid to cry and tell you everything. One's who want to listen.

The Wilkins' Twins: Give me hope in laughter! Haha.

And most of all God: Gives me hope in absolutely everything. Every way shape and form.

Variety Show is done! I have...free time...?

I seem to be writing less and less these days. Which is quite sad! I'm just so busy! But I don't think I'm just going to write about what I did these past days even though it's been pretty great. Just a lot of stuff with friends and such. :]

But there is something I feel I need to write about. I've talked about it to all my friends. But for some dumb reason I feel like writing it on her makes it "official" like I'm admitting it for real.................I like a new boy

About time right? Haha. Jk. Libby was right. After I stopped caring so much about finding one I started liking him. And I can tell that I like him for real. Because my heart does that thing where it will speed up really fast and I can't help it. It's weird having that feeling again. After my heart being dead for so long. But it's nice. Really nice. The problem? He'll never like me. Unless there is a miracle...which I guess could always happen. :] I'll keep praying.

Gotta Find You!

Haha. The title of this blog post is for Zoey. :] My wonderful wife. It's so funny....how good of friends we are now. And I love it. I hung out with her a bunch this past weekend and it was a great time! We just drove around every where on Saturday and stuff. We even went and visited Rich at work and stuff...but I guess you need to know what happened before that now don't you.

So, last Tuesday after I talked Randi for a long time on the phone...in fact right after I posted my last post I got on facebook and Rich was on. So I asked him if we could talk and he said sure. It started out real awkward obviously and I apologized and stuff, and we decided that we could be friends. And by the end of the conversation we were talking just like old times. :] It mad me so happy! Not because I'm still in love with him or anything! Not at all! It's just nice to have him as a friend again. And now if one of us were to like die tomorrow I wouldn't feel terrible about it. It's a good feeling. :]

Generally life is pretty good. I mean...variety show sucks...but other than that it's great. I love homecoming so much! And I'm not hating variety show like super lots...I mean I know it sucks but I really love being on light crew. It's just Trimble, Sean, and me. :] Amazing. Cause Sean's my best guy friend and Trimble is....Trimble. :] We even made light crew shirts! And we are all going to wear them on Friday! They say "Light Crew Turns Me On" on the front and then on the back has our names and "LHS light crew homecoming 09". They are so cool! :D I'll put a pic of us wearing them up here sometime.

Official homecoming day is this Friday and I'm really excited! Sean, John, and me are getting sophed and Kenzie, Cora, and Lisa are getting froshed by Libby and Trimble. So I'm spending the night at Libby's tomorrow so we can start our adventure real early in the morning. Oh and today Whitlock decided she wanted to help too...I'm kind of scared about that because I know how much she dislikes me. :/ Oh well...hopefully it won't be too bad.

Shall we share an inside joke of each friend...let's hope I can remember them all...this should be fun. Hopefully you all know what I'm talking about....cause other wise I'm going to sound like a complete fool. Haha.

Angie: So many...um...I'm going to say "That cave is not your house Angie Bell!"

Libby: Fuck it!

Sean: Is this pink...or is it peach?

Isabel: Teenagers must drive CAREFULLY out of the parking lot.

Ginny: They probably do each other's hair at their fricken sleepovers!

Zoey: That mother fucking light! Ah shit! I spilled...now I'm going to get a rash.

Brian: There is fucking ice in my drink!

And those would be my 7 best friends. I love you all so much! :D Thanks for putting up with me through this whole summer...well I guess me and Izzy weren't really talking then. And me and Zoey weren't really friends then...but still. Gosh...that's so crazy how quickly someone can become on of your best friends. :] But anyway...thanks. For everything. There is no way I can ever repay you. You guys are the best and I love you so much. And I think life is going to look up from here. :D I love you!!!!!!