Movie Marathon!!!!

Omg!!! I had so much fun today!!! Most of the day I didn't even feel like I was going to throw up! :D Yay!!! I had forgotten how fricken hilarious the Wilkins twins are! I love those boys! We hung out all day! And now my cousins are here! Yay! I love them too! I have felt so so so much better today. Ah! It's so great! :) I'm so tired though...cause me and Ginny stayed up super late...and then we went to pick up Chris and Ryan really early. Haha. Eh...I'm supposed to go up and eat right now but there is so many people...so me and Lori are kind of hiding in the basement. Teehee. But first you kids would love some pictures from our crazy adventures today I'm sure so I will put some on! :D

So Ginny and Chris kept getting in tickle fights (as well as me and Ryan haha) and they would look really awkward so me and Ryan tried to get as many bad looking pictures as we could. I think this one definitely won. :)

And here is Ryan making fun of Chris for taking a picture of himself earlier. He called this one his "myspace photo" Haha. :) Well...I should probably go upstairs...

Love :D

I have to be at the Wilkins twins' house in...about 6.5 hours. Teehee. :)

So...right now I'm at Ginny's house. :D We are obviously having a sleepover...cause it's like one in the morning. Haha. Oh gosh...we have to be at the Wilkins twins' house in like 7 hours...eh...haha oh well! :) So...I've kind of been in a state of feeling like I'm going to throw up since Thursday night...it doesn't really go away. It lessens...but the also increases...it's kind of weird. Oh well...my stomach is probably just committing suicide inside of me cause it's sick of me feeling like this. But I'll just surround myself with friends cause they at least numb that feeling a little. :) Omg!!! My cousins are coming tomorrow!!!! Yay!!! I love it when they come to visit!!! :D But before they get here me and Ginny and Ryan and Chris are having a Harry Potter movie marathon!! I don't really want to watch them...but that's ok...all 3 of them are forcing me so I don't really have a choice. :P Hmm...anything else I want to write about...? I can't really think of anything...um...if a certain someone is reading this...and I don't know if you would be but I'm real sorry. I really am...I don't want things to end like this. I'm really really sorry. :( But other than that I'm doing ok.

Love!!! ^_^

A 3 year old made me cry :/

So...today was an ok day...I felt really bad. My 3 year old nephew got mad at me today and I burst out crying. And then he felt really bad...and then I felt really bad. :( It was sad. I guess I'm kind of emotionally unstable right now. But it'll pass. Tonight I'm having a sleepover with Ginny and Libby and Ginny's house! :D It's going to be a lot of fun. I was really happy that Ginny's mom is letting us stay there cause Matt and Lori and the boys' air conditioning is broken so they are staying at our house...ahh...little kids all the time. Haha. :) Well...I got to head to Ginny's house. :)

Love! :D

I don't want people to hate me

:( It bugs me a lot when people hate me. Even if they have a legit reason. Ugh...I just...I don't even know. I'm so sorry to anyone I've wronged...I know I can be a bitch, but I am only human. I make mistakes and I don't know how to fix them besides saying that I'm sorry. If there was anything else I could do I would do it. I'm so sick of hurting people and ruining friendships. I wouldn't be surprised if I have no friends left soon cause I don't know why anyone would want to stick around me...I feel so awful about myself. I raelly honestly do. I almost want to tell my friends to not be friends with me. Cause it seems like everyone I talk to gets hurt. And it's always my fault. Ugh...I just almost threw up again. If you could all please forgive me. I want nothing more than your forgiveness. I'm so sorry. I wish there was a word that ment sorry but stronger. If you could just forgive me. I would feel a little better. I don't deserve anyone...I'm awful...I'm so sorry...

Well...It was nice while it lasted...

Well...happiness can only last so long...After writing my last post I went and read Rich's blog...his most recent one from today was about cutting people out of his life with scissors. I thought maybe he was talking about me. Ok..so I didn't think maybe I was pretty sure but I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't. Then Libby wrote about it on her blog...saying how he's the one that cut me out. Which he did...ugh.............I was feeling so good about the whole thing with him and then he writes this about me and it makes me feel awful about myself. I "gave him scissors so that he could cut me of his life". Wtf? Like Libby said, he cut me out...I did everything to glue me back into his life...I offered him glue...but he went searching for the scissors himself. I wish I could just talk to him...but I know he wouldn't listen. Ugh....

But in other news...Michael Jackson died today. And Tom just asked Brian if he would be able to sleep better tonight. Haha...in other words....that I will not repeat... :P

Love! :D

It's not me...

So I haven't written in a really long time! Since sunday!! Jeez! Well today I went to therapy and for my "homework" i'm supposed to blog a lot...so I'm making a come back. :P Haha. I also have to tell myself that my dad doesn't treat me this way because of something I did. It's because he doesn't know how to handle all this. So...It's not me...I did nothing wrong. Now just to make myself believe it. Haha. :) On monday night I couldn't sleep because of all this stuff with my dad so I sent him this really long email. Here's what it said:

"Well...it's 2:14 a.m. but I can't sleep because of this whole situation. I'm really sick of everything that has been going on. And it isn't all right that you just call me up and expect me to want to do something with you. When you don't talk to someone for 7 weeks and 3 days you can't just pretend it never happened. You have never really apologized for this and you really need to. Because I'm never going to have piece with it if you don't. I'm not starting to forgive you because you deserve it. It's because I need to do this for myself. I'm sick of being up until 4 in the morning every night crying about all this. You did not pick a very good time to do this to me either. This has been one of the most traumatic things in my life. The other one happened these past few weeks too. And I know you have never been a teenage girl...but I've had my heart broken by a boy and that is the most painful thing that I have ever felt. I had no idea anything could be that bad. And then you had to throw this stuff on top of it. There have been many nights that I have thought about how much easier it would be to be dead than to have to deal with all of this shit. I'm so sick of it. I've had times were I have been so upset that I felt like I was going to throw up. So it's not ok for you to just call me up and pretend that everything is ok. Because it's not. So I have come up with some "conditions" and they are as follows:

1. Nest time you get mad at me don't just stop talking to me for months. Man up and find a way to handle the truth.
2. I'm fine if you try to be my friend, but do not try to be my parent.
3. This is your last chance. If you do this again I will cut you out of my life and never talk to you again.
4. You have to try. I am the child, you are the adult. It is your responsibility to try. Not mine.

Now...if you don't agree with any or all of these...than you can just forget about me because I am so sick of playing your games. Unless you agree to these I'm done. I'm walking away and I'm never coming back. Well...now that's it's 2:30 hopefully I can get to sleep because I have to be at work at 8:30."

Yeah...I can kind of be mean sometimes...but it was stuff that needed to be said. Ugh...and he just responded...but I'm too nervous to read it...but I will...here it goes...

"I tried to send this earlier but the e mail was down and not working. I have been told not to try to communicate with you via e mail but seeing how this seems to be the way you have chosen I will give it a try. First of all and most important let me apologize. I have treated you very badly and I am sorry for having done so. I hope that as difficult a time as this has been for you that you may realize it has not been easy for me either. That is no excuse, I am supposed to be old enough and mature enough to get past those things but even at my age it is not always easy. I am far from perfect and I regret having any of those imperfections rub off on you. Next, let me say that I love you very much, always have, always will. I just was never raised to or learned how to express it very well but in your case I will keep trying. I hope you can have a little patience and kick me once in a while when necessary. As to why anyone would think that I am prouder of20your brothers then I am of you I am sorry that somehow that idea was even considered. Your brothers are older and have been able to do more things, Matt as a father, in the Army, an apprentice electrician, Zach at USC. You on the other hand are well known to anyone I talk to regularly as the smart one, the talented one, the hard worker and the one who will probably go further than the rest of us combined. I suppose that might be a female thing. As to conditions, I don’t think that is fair and I don’t want to disillusion you or set you up for more disappointment. I need to put forth far more effort but you need to do some work at things too. Let’s just start with the idea of trying=2 0to understand each other and where we are coming from based on the fact that I love you very much and care about you more then you will ever know. If you are looking for perfection you unfortunately got stuck with the wrong guy. Let me know what you think. Dad "

I think that is the nicest he has ever been. This is one situation where saying what i felt didn't back fire on me! Yay!! :D I feel better about everything now. This are looking up! :D

In fact things are pretty good. I offically have 4 pokemon games now! One from each generation. It's pretty great cause yesterday my mom just radomly gave me $20 to go buy a 3rd generation game so I did! So now I have yellow, gold, ruby, and platinum! Woo hoo! And my mom just gave me a $15 itunes gift card for no reason! And I don't even have to pay her back!!! Today is a good day! And (oh yes there is more!) I worked twice this week so I mad $40! Isn't that awesome! :D I'm really happy right now...I'm almost crying! :D In a good way for once! Angie and Brian are coming over soon and my aunt that is in town from phenoix so I should probably go...but first...a picture! :D




So now you can see why I'm so excited for Angie and Brian to come over! We have so much fun together. And obviously Angie is not pregnant. That buldge under her shirt is one of the free shirts that Brian's brother Tom gave us. :) Yeah! Take that Brian's Dad! :P Haha jk!

Love you all!!! I hope you are all as happy as I am right now :D :D :D

Happy UnFather's Day! :D

Hello World! A.k.a. my few friends that read this. :P How are all of you? I hope you are doing quite well. :) I love you all so much! You don't even know! :D I'm going to sing you a little song.

What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, and I'll try not to sing out of key.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.

Oh, I get high with a little help from my friends.

Oh, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

There you go! Btw the getting high part obviously is not true. Haha. But you guys have helped me a lot so I thought I would sing you a song about it. Plus my iTunes was on shuffle and it came up and I thought it fit. :) So I don't have much to write about...I was just bored so I started writing...well I'll stop rambling. Haha.

.:Peace! :D:.

Jeez...things are getting crazy!

Woah! I went another day without writing anything! Cause I've been busy...playing Pokemon gold version!!!!! Yeah!!!! I just got it yesterday!!! It is so ghetto! I love it! I don't have much to write about....yesterday I had a sleepover with Merc, Libby, and Bridget. That was quite fun...but now I'm super tired. Haha. Today I went swimming at Brian's house with him, Ginny, and Lexi. That was a lot of fun. I thought Lexi didn't really like me and she was kind of one of those people that thought she was better than everyone else but she was really cool today. I had a lot of fun. :) Then after Ginny and Lexi went home I went to buy Chacos with Brian and then we went to the carnival. (wee!) And then we went out to eat and got mountains of spaghetti. Haha. And then we went back to his house...and I fell asleep on his bed while he was doing magic tricks with my ds. :P Haha. What a nerd. Jk. I love him.

So father's day is tomorrow...I'll be spending it with my mom...It's always been my least favorite holiday...ever since I was little. But whatevs. He tried talking to me yesterday but I wasn't taking that crap! He's probably just trying to impress his new girlfriend. I don't want to help him with that. I was finally adjusting to my life without him and then he threw this in there. I don't want anything to do with him. Is that so bad? Am I an awful person for that? But really, it's not like he's ever been great. When you are little people tell you if you throw a coin in a fountain to make a wish, and to wish on the first star you see. My wish every time, "I wish that dad would be nicer and like to spend time with us" Is that normal behavior of a 5 year old? Whatever, he liked his beer way better than he ever liked me. It's great when a drink is loved more than you. Trust me, It's a great feeling...sarcasm there in case you kids didn't get that. But don't let me spoil your father's day. If you have a great dad thank him...a million times. Cause you have no idea what it's like to have a crappy one. So be thankful. :)

Love! Peace out children! :D

If only I could play guitar...

Woah! I didn't write at all yesterday! Crazy! Haha. So yesterday I hung out with Libby, Bridget, Sean, and Merecedes for a while but then Merc had to go to work so we dropped her off and then we went over to Madison's house. Her house smells delicious. :) After that we went to the car show but only for a little while cause Bridget had to go home at 9. Lame! Haha. But then Me and Libby just went and hung out at the Carmike while Merecedes worked for like...2 hours...but we didn't even see a movie. I got to see up in the projection room and everything. It was intense. :P Then today Me, Merecedes, and Brian went to visit Libby and the Wash Pav while she worked! :D It was quite fun. Then Libby and Merc came over to my house for supper and we made even more brownies. Yum! But then they both had to go home. :( So me and my mom watch August Rush. I had never seen it before! OMG!!!! It is sooooo good!!!! I love it!!! So much! :D If you have never seen it go watch it right now. I mean it. GO! It's amazing! I wish I could play guitar...if I could only play one instrument that would be it. Ugh. It's the only instrument I've ever struggled with so I get so frustrated that I just give up. :/ I give up so easily. But my mom said she wants to know someone who can play guitar so bad she might get me lessons for the summer! That would rock!!!

I also hope that my mom will let Bridget, Libby, and Merecedes sleep over tomorrow night! She said probably which is like a 99% yes. I think we would have lots of fun! Cause Merc said she would teach me more about pokemon...cause I'm kind of dumb with most of it still. Haha. It would be really cool though cause they are like all seniors. It makes me feel special that they would even want to hang out with me. :) And it will be great casue we are going to go to Rich's house and ask his mom for my gameboy back. Teehee. Cause I want to go and get yellow version! It's so ghetto! It's awesome! :)

Hope you are all wonderful! Love you! :D

:D

Wow...so this is the first day all summer since I got back from Cali that I haven't hung out with friends. It's been kind of weird...but at the same time wasn't that bad. I slept until 2 so that took most of the day and then I just hung out with Avery and my mom and stuff. Me and my mom went to the mall and she bought me a new pair of shorts and a new dress! Yay!!! I love dresses. :D And then we went to the Hannah Montana movie. Pahahaha! I already saw it with Ginny and Brian, yes Brian John Rhoades went to the Hannah Montana movie, but my mom really wanted to see it so I said I would go with her. :) So today was a really good day...I've really started realizing that everyday...things get easier. And I like it a lot. Everyday I feel a little happier and I think about him less. It's really a great feeling. So thanks to everyone who has listened to me bitch lately...it's probably not over yet...but hopefully it should decrease. :) One quote I love from the Hannah Montana movie is: "Life's a climb, but the view is amazing." That is so so true. I'm getting up the mountain Ginny. Thanks for showing me that I was already in the plain.

You are all amazing! Love! :D

Really important people in my present/past life. :D

So I write way to much on this thing...but that's ok. I'm bored. Plus...the last one was kind of depressing so I'm going to try to lighten the mood a little. Plus I like to add pictures on here to make it look cooler :)

So this is a really old picture of Avery...like a year old. But that's ok. Cause this is one of my favorite pics ever. I think it's really amazing looking. :) So now he is exactly 3 years, 2 weeks, and 5 days old. Haha. Wow. I'm a freak :) He's real cute. I love him a lot. He can kind of be a pill sometimes...but most of the time he is really well behaved and is super duper cute. :D

This one is of Jonah. It's super old too...when he was only like 4ish months old at the time. And now is 7 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days old. He looks just like Avery did when he was little. At first he cried a lot...but now he always happy and smiley. :D I love him a lot! He's real cute too! :)

So this is my mom with a little statue of Goofy at Disneyland. :) Like I've said before she's pretty cool. I just wanted to put a pic on here. It's especially cool cause it's at Disneyland. That is like my favorite place in the whole world. It's the happiest place on Earth! :D We go there like everytime we go to visit my brother. It's awesome cause we have annual passes! :D

This is my dad on christmas...he's actually kind of smiling. I don't have much to say about him. Now you know what he looks like Libby. So now you can beat him up with the tray. Haha.

This is my brother Matt. He can be really really really annoying. But at the same time...he's ok. Haha. He obviously doesn't care too much about what he looks like in pics...I'm trying to figure out where I took this pic...I have no idea...oh well. I do love him. Even though he can really bug me. He can be really really funny though. :D

This is my sister-in-law Lori on new year's eve. We were in the black hills. Me and her really like to play board games together. :) She can be a lot of fun...but sometimes she says some mean stuff that makes me sad. But most of the time she's pretty cool. Haha. We like to go on random car rides to run errands late at night and jam to music in the car. Right now...Lady Gaga! :D

So I've already written a lot about Zach and Katie...but I couldn't exactly leave them out. This is them sealing the deal that they would get married the year the cubs won the world series or in 10 years whatever came first. Haha! :D

This is me with my cousins Ethan and Jared. They live in Chicago...but they are the cousins I'm probably the closests too. Ethan for sure but that's just cause we are closer in age. This was us at my birthday dinner at Ed Debevics...wow I can't spell. haha. We went there for Ethan's bar mitzvah. It was so much fun! They are coming here 2 weeks from today! I can't wait! :D

This is another one of my cousins Megan. She was just in town a few days ago. We hung out and it was a lot of fun. :) She is probably the other cousin I am closest to besides Ethan and Jared. But she lives in Atlanta so I don't get to see her much :( but I love it when she visits. :)

This is me and Angie. It's really bugging me that I can't figure out how to flip it. Urg. Stupid ocd. Haha. I've already said a lot about her...but I want to put a pic :) This pic was taken at the same sleepover as the epic brownie picture! :D

This is my "big sister" Libby. She's great! :D I love her. Haha. I love her face that she always makes for pics. Well I talk about her a lot too. So you know about her. :)

Here is Ginny and Brian at spinsters. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone with this pic! :D Aren't the absolutely adorable?!? Ginny looked so pretty that night...well actually she always does! And Brian looked very handsome. Haha. I love them both so much. :D

This is Jordynn with her date, Ryan, at spinsters. She was super pretty that night too! :D Everyone was! I love her so much! :D

This is me and Izzy. I don't talk about her much but we used to be best friends. We did everything together. But the thing about Izzy was...she didn't like Ginny. So she lied to me to make it so I wouldn't like Ginny. Because of her I lost one of my best friends for 3 months. Doing that to Ginny is something I will never forgive myself for. I can not believe I was that big of a bitch. So me and Izzy aren't really friends anymore. It's sad. But stuff like that happens. :(

And lastly...this is me and Rich. The part that upsets me is looking at this picture...all I can think of is how cute he is. Urg...but things didn't work out. And that's fine. Like Libby says the important thing is that I learned a lesson. So the lessons I learned:

1. Never fall for a player. They aren't good people.

2. Never ever ever ever under any circumstances do anything with someone you aren't dating. Cause it will just make you feel like crap about yourself afterwards.

So there is everyone in my life. :)

Blech

Urg! I'm so mad at myself! So my pact to not talk about Rich at all....obviously not working. I totally failed...and I'm sorry to all my friends...for talking about it. I'm just so angry. How could he move on so fast? Honestly. He already has another girlfriend. Do you want to know when that happened? While I was in California...so that's why everything was so weird when I came back. I'm gone for one week and he moves on. And doesn't want to be my friend anymore. One of the hardest things was that his mom facebook-ed me and told me that I should stop by sometime. So I flat out said to her "I would becasue I miss you all! But Rich hasn't talked to me for a week and I don't think he is going to anytime soon..." There now she knows. Cause she obviously had no idea. Whatever. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore? He wants to move on to a girl...oh I forgot to mention. If I'm not mistaken...he dated this girl before. And she cheated on him...with his best friend. And she lives in Arizona...and isn't even moving here untill August. I hate him. I honestly do. Hate him. And to my friends...don't tell anyone...cause I wan't supposed to know. :P Thanks :)

So Zach wants me to randomly come visit him before this month ends. Which I totally want to. I even told my mom I would pay for the plane ticket but she is being really dumb about it. Urg...I hope she lets me go. Cause I really want to spend some time with him. And if I would go I would probably go on saturday. Which would mean I would be there on Father's Day! Haha! :D He's supposed to call me in about an hour to talk about stuff...mostly about me being all concered about him drinking and stuff. He says it's no big deal...but I really think it is. I've seen enough people get screwed up by it...I hate it. The 2 things I honetly hate right now...Alcohol (which will be the one thing I hate for the rest of my life) and Rich. Which is a big deal...cause I try really hard not to hate people. I know I won't hate him forever. It's just right now....I'm angry.

I had a lot of fun today though. Well Libby was here obviously when I woke up cause she slept over. And then Brian came over later. And then Jordynn came over. And then we went to Jordynn's mom's house and rescused a baby bird and then took it to her dad's house. But on the way there her car kept over heating...so we had to stop...and then Libby's step-dad came and got her...and Angie's mom broght her to where we were. Haha. And then the 4 of us hung out for a while. It was quite fun! :D

Remeber: The only time your liver gets exercise is when you laugh! So laugh often! :D

Time Travel!!!

Last night me and Libby had a sleepover! :D It was quite fun and yesterday we biked all the way to the diner with Ginny. I had a ton of fun. Haha. So me and Libby this morning made a very elaborate plan that involves time travel of how to fix all of our problems. Here it goes...

First we are going to go back about 16ish years to when Zoey Groman and born and steal her from her parental units. Then we are going to take her back about 3 more years to Ethiopia where Elias was born. Then we are going to take baby Elias and replace him with baby Zoey. So we are going to make her have the crappy life that Elias had. Then we are going to take baby Elias to my house and make my mom adopt him...this is before I am born. And then I will have a black brother! It will be great! Then Elias will never run off to minnesota and we won't have to miss him! And then he can marry Angie! :D Then Jordynn will never have to go through all the bitchy stuff with Zoey...and everyone will just be happier! And also, Libby is going to go back and tell her past self not to date Addison and not to kiss John...and then her a Sean will be dating right now! We thought it was a pretty great plan!

Peace out! :D

Zach and Katie :)

So...I'm really missing my brother right now so I thought I would write a little more about him. This pic right here is him and his girlfriend, Katie, right before we went on the tower of terror. He was "so scared" that's why his face looks like that. Haha. It probably seems like I favor my brother Zach over Matt. To tell you the truth...I do. I like Zach a lot more than I like Matt. They both tease me...but Zach knows when to stop. And he can also be serious sometimes. I miss him a lot...I can't wait untill he comes home in August. Except he will only be here for 2 weeks and one of those weeks he will be in chicago with his friends. But it will still be great to see him. :) And Katie is coming with him. I like her a lot. She's really nice. Haha. And they are really funny when they are together...thus her picking his nose in the pic. :) And they are really cute together...and she makes him really happy. I really hope they get married some day. Not that I don't love Lori...she just gets on my nerves sometimes. Like when she says that she hates me. But her and Katie are really different...in a good way. I'm kind of hoping when Zach and Katie come to visit she will go clothes shopping for school with me. That would be amazing! Zach is just really cool in general...sure we fight but that's normal. And I miss him a lot. I don't get to see him untill August...which makes me real sad. But I'll manage. :) I kind of hope he reads this...and Zach if you are reading this...I love you!!! And you should show this to Katie too. :)

Buh Bye! Peace out! :D

Happy Birthday Angie!!!! :D

It's Angie's birthday!!! I have no idea if she reads this but if you do...happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Angie! Happy birthday to you!! :D :D :D Hope you have an amazing 15th birthday. Your cake is amazing! Hope that this birthday is better than last year's. Haha. :) And in honor of your birthday...well no really in honor of it I'm just starting it today...I am no longer going to talk about Rich. Ever. So sorry Libby for bringing it up this morning. From now on, I'm done. :D So me and Ginny are supposed to hang out today but she isn't answering my texts...oh well...maybe I'll call her in a bit. Right now I'm watching Phineas and Ferb. I love this show! It's so cheesy. Haha. So...last night I found out the reason my dad stopped talking to me. He has a girlfriend...a.k.a. a girl who will just screw him out of all his money. I mean, why else would anyone date him. It's not like he can talk to anyone. So he's dumping me and my brothers for some girl. And the closest thing I have to a dad is 2,000 miles away going to school in L.A. Fine with me...what should I get my brother for father's day? I decided since he's kind of like my dad I'll just get him something. Also I need to get something for Angie's bday! Ah! What do you want Angie?!?

Love you all! Happy birthday Angie! :D

I just woke up...and it's 5:30 pm. Teehee

This is the latest I've ever slept! I feel like I got a lot accomplished today...not! Haha. But that's ok cause I got accomplish last night...woah. That sounded really sexual. haha. But it isn't. Last night I went to my friend Alecia's church lock in at thunder road from midnight to 6:30. I had sooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun!!!!! All my super close friends from middle school were there and we had barely talked like all year cause we just didn't have a lot of classes together. It was great to reconnect with them. Especially my friends Tenesa. We've been best friends since like 2nd grade so barely seeing her at all this year killed me. It was so much fun to spend the night with her. We caught up on everything that happened to us this year. It was great...people even started calling us Tenasha (the combo of our names) again. It was great!!! Plus I convinced Ginny to go and I think she had fun. Even though she was super sleepy :) Now I'm super sore from the bungee trampoline...but it was totally worth it. I had so so much fun! I'm so happy Alecia invited me! :D

Love, Love, Love :D :D

Urgggg, Love, and Forgiveness. Oh my!

Here's my dumb issue of today. My brother, Matt, is such a douche bag! I'm sooooo mad at him!! The whole time we were out to eat tonight he was expecting me to take care of Jonah for him and stuff. It's so ridiculous. So I flat out said to him that I was only 15 and that I shouldn't have to take care of a baby. The whole night he was super pissy all because my mom wouldn't watch my nephews when he wanted to sleep earlier. Why do people have kids if they don't really want them? It feels like Matt and Lori don't even want to be parents. Sometimes I feel like I could be a better parent to those boys than then are. But whatever....they can screw up their kids if they want.

But on to other things...

Love. It's defined on dictionary.com as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Urban dictionary says The most spectacular,indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone. Like Libby said "If you love someone, and you end things, where does the love go?" I couldn't be more puzzled by this question...how can somebody care (or at least seem to care) about you so much one day, and then a few weeks later not even want to talk to you at all? I see how eventually it could go away...but so suddenly? Idk...I'm not trying to dwell over Rich...really I'm not. I've just been thinking about what love really is. I don't think he loved me like he said. He was just infatuated. Which was nice at the time. But now it sucks butt. Oh well though...it's over. The thing that scares me the most is that I was so surprised that one boy actually liked me. Cause I know I'm not a very beautiful or anything. So...what if it never happens again? What if there is never another boy...cause I'm still pretty sure this was just luck. I'm not sure if there will ever be someone else...and that scares me. :/ But I guess all I can do is hope and pray.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately is forgiveness. How can you tell if you've truly forgiven someone. When you just say "I forgive them"? When you tell God you've forgiven them? You think that would be the case...but shouldn't there be some weight lifted off my shoulders? Let me tell you where this is coming from. First, some back round info. I went to Edison Middle School, something I don't really like to talk about. haha. But anyway we had this show choir called "Inventions". I was in it in 7th and 8th grade. In 7th grade we were really good and I absolutely loved it! In 8th grade...not so much. And for a couple months before the incident that I'm going to tell you about happened I had kind of been not so respectful in chorus. And I admit that. But what was really dumb is that it would always be a big group of us goofing off and Mrs. Anderberg and Mrs. Sunvold (the teachers) would only ever yell at me. Now, to set the scene...It was the 2nd to last day of school in 8th grade and they were making us perform for all the 8th graders in the school. Embarrassing! So we were all goofing off and making faces at the audience and such...trying to make it a little better. So after the performance Mrs. Sunvold (who didn't even direct Inventions) came and started yelling at all of us...and then she pointed me out in front of everyone. At this point I was so sick of it that I started crying, I'm a big baby I know :/ So then she let everyone else go but still wanted to talk to me. Then she continued to yell at me for like 5 whole minutes...telling me that I was a failure and that I was never going to amount to anything and that I was an embarrassment. So she said all this to me as I was sobbing...oh and she also told me multiple times to pull it together. Ugh. And then she had the nerve to end with "but you are a really great singer and I hope you come back and visit us next year" What a bitch!!! So...this is really dumb, but all the stuff she said to me rang in my head everyday for a long long time. I really tried to forgive her...but I had a really hard time doing that. So this year I started this new thing that I would forgive everyone who did me wrong. It felt really good so I tried really hard to forgive her. And I think I have...but I don't feel any better about it...Idk...what is forgiveness truly? If you have any idea...please tell me!

Love you all! Hope you are doing marvelously :)

Family...?

So...I relized that I just talked about my friends really in the last one and I should talk about my family...plus I'm really bored and have nothing else to do! Haha. So here we go...my mom's name is Sandi...she's pretty cool for the most part. Sometimes she really gets on my nerves but she is my mom so what do you expect? My dad is...ugh. When I was little he drank a lot so we were never ever close but still I think he could be more of a dad if he just tried. My parents are divorced so I don't see my dad all that much but that is ok with me. Recently we got in a fight and so then he didn't talk to me for 5 and a half weeks! That is a long time! And the only reason he talked to me is cause I talked to him first. Ugh...it seems like he really hates me. But oh well...I don't need a dad! That's why I have my brothers. They are kind of like my dad in a way. Espically Zach...but I'll talk about Matt first. Matt is 25 years old....but he for sure does not act like it. He is super imature. He does stuff just to get on my nerves all the time. But I love him anyway. He's my brother, so I got to :) haha Then there is his wife, Lori, my sister-in-law. You have no idea how excited I was when they were getting married! Cause I was finally going to have a sister. In case you didn't pick up that Libby wasn't actually my sister. haha. Anyway...but she really didn't like me back then cause I was "immature". Hello! I was 11! What do you expect?!? But now we get along pretty good :) so it's all good in that neighborhood. haha. Then there are my nephews, Avery and Jonah. They are adorable! Avery just turned 3 and Jonah is about 7 and a half months. I love them so much!!! Avery is hilarious with all the talking he is doing...and Jonah is just a smiley little baby. :D Last but not least is my brother Zach. To call him my brother is kind of an understatement. He has been so much more to me than that. He acts as my dad a lot of time...cause I have arguments about stuff (boys) that I should be having with my dad but since he doesn't care...Zach steps in! Along with Libby, Zach is one of my heroes. I look up to him so much. I want to be just like him when I grow up...minus the drinking. That's the one part about him I absolutly hate. I really really wish he didn't drink. I know he thinks that it's not a serious thing but it is. It screwed up my childhood cause my dad was always drinking...I just don't want him to screw up his life. He has so much going for him. I wish he would stop :( But other than that he is so amazing. I know we fight a lot but that's what siblings do. I was really really mad at him when he didn't like Rich...but I guess...he was right. He was just looking out for me and I appreciate it. I love my whole family though! Even my dad...haha. :)

Spread the Peace, Share the Love, Have the Happiness :D

Ello :)

Hi! I'm Natasha Baumgartner...I pretty much started this blog casue Libby told me to. Haha. And I love her so of corse I will! :) Plus I think it will be a good way to vent my feelings. So...where to begin...hmm...well I just talk a little bit about myself before I get into the whole stupid drama of my life. Like I said my name is Natasha. I am 15 years old. I can't believe I'm already that old! Ah! My family is my mom, my dad (ugh), my 2 brothers, Matt and Zach, my sister-in-law, Lori, and my 2 nephews, Avery and Jonah. But at my house it's just me, my mom, and my dog, Kaleb so it can be kind of boring so I hang out with friends...A LOT! Haha. My best friend in the entire world is Angie. She is amazing! I know that I can tell her anything...and I do. I have absolutley no secrets from her and vise versa if I'm not mistaken. We are like the same person. We finish each other's sentences and everything. The only thing that we differ in is that she is really shy and I'm not at all. I wish I was though...cause a lot of people hate me for my loudness...but that's a whole other story. Woah! On David Letterman they were just singing the Beatles! The reason me and Angie met! haha. That is both of our's favorite band! Anywho...people probably think we are like freaks because when we are together we can barely ever stop laughing. We are amazingly close...the other night she even helped my mom set up an eharmony account while I just sat there shaking my head. Haha. It was quite funny though. I have many other friends that I would also consider best friends. Jordynn, Ginny, Brian, Libby, and used to be Rich...and hopefully will be again sometime. So I'll go through each! Jordynn is hilarious...I haven't known her for very long but we met in gym class last semester. I hung out with her today in fact! And yesterday! And before she went to Italy we had like 3 or 4 sleepovers in one week. I love her!! :D Ginny has been one of my best friends since 7th grade. We've had our times...definitely...but we make it through. This year we got in a big fight (cough cough izzy) and didn't talk for like 3 months and thinking about what a bitch I was to her in that time still kills me. Idk why Ginny would ever read this but if you ever do...I'm so so so sorry Ginny. I love you and I can't believe I was so easily convinced not to be your friend. I wuv oo! Brian is....well he is Brian. I love him to death. He is the one that tells me what boys are thinking. And it is really nice to have him there. I can go to him for anything...well I can go to any of these people for anything...but it's nice to have a guy to go to. I love him! Libby is my big sister! She has helped me lately in life more than I could even explain. And I know she will read this so...Libby, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! I will never stop thanking you! You are the best big sister anyone could ask for. You truly are my hero and I hope I can be just like you when I get older! I love you! Rich...oh boy...this is where I spill my guts...so...me and him became good friends back in R&J days. Btw I refer to every time in my life as to which show was going on at school so R&J=Romeo and Juliet, our spring show. I really liked him a lot so that's why I really wanted to become his friend...the problem? He's 18 :/ so we quickly became really really good friends which I liked a lot. So one day...I decided to ask him if he like me to. How I was ever that brave I will have no idea. And he said yes! :D I was so happy then! haha so we became closer and closer...and the night I relized how much I really did like him was the first night we parked at our spot. It just this empty lot in my neighborhood that looks over sioux falls and is really pretty. So...we were both laying on one seat cause only one of his seats reclined and...I felt like my heart had wings. He awakened feelings in me that I had no idea exsisted. I relized that for the first time...I was in love. So we continued to get closer and closer. And we talked about dating a lot but for a lot of reasons we didn't. But eventually...we kissed. That was my first ever kiss...and was one of the most amazing moments of my life. I will never forget it. But could anyone ever forget their first kiss? Anyway...so after a little while of all that...he kind of started to pull away. I was really confused so I asked him if he didn't like me anymore...and he said that he "didn't want me to get screwed over by him". Dagger in my heart, but at that point I was like...oh...maybe it's not really over...psh...give him time. Time didn't help...things seemed to get worse. So I decided to tell him how much he hurt me...not a good idea. We got into a sort of kind of fight...idk...it pretty much resulted in me feeling like a desperate whore and him not wanting to be my friend anymore. Well...I'm moving on. I really am. I'm not just saying that! It feels really good. I feel happier than I have been in a long time. I feel much better than those 3 weeks where I cried myself to sleep every night. I'm learning to love him like a brother. I'm really getting over him...but I still do want to be his friend. Cause we had really good times together. Plus...if we aren't friends...that puts Jordynn in the middle. Which is totally unfair. She is super good friends with both of us and a lot of things we did was the 3 of us. I really hope he can put aside his anger to me for Jordynn. Cause she is such an amazing person that she deserves to have both of us.

So yeah. That's my life in a nut shell. Hope I didn't bore you to tears :)

Love you all! Peace, Love, Happiness :D