Truly Tangly Thoughts

So...I've just gotten done reading Libby's blog...it concerns me. Cause she said that she thinks she's going to die by killing herself one day. I really hope that isn't true. I just...don't ever want to think about her dying. Cause if she dies...I would probably die too. It would just be too much of a physical pain. It goes like that for any of my friends really...

I hung out with Jordynn and Sean tonight. It was a lot of fun. :] Cause I hadn't seen Jordynn in what seemed like forever. I guess I'm still a little upset that she blew me off for Rich a couple of times. But I really need to get over that. It's not that big of a deal. And I love Jordynn. I really do. I feel really bitter lately. And I hate it. Everything to do with Rich just upsets me a lot. And I don't know why. I've forgiven him. I really have. But still....

I really have no idea what I'm feeling right now. But one awesome moment of today was when I was with Jordynn and Sean. And we were driving somewhere and listening to music and stuff. And I just closed my eyes...and to just have the feeling of 2 people I really cared about there with me was amazing. It was almost magical. At that moment everything bad in the world didn't seem to exist and I felt peace. I'm going to try to have more moments like this. Saver everything I have...cause I've learned the hard way...you don't know what you got until it's gone.

I just re-read the last paragraph I wrote and I started crying. I don't know why. I've been crying a lot lately at really random times. I just hope the next 2 days I can be not emotional...cause I'm going to be spending them with Madisen. :] While Rich's family goes to Vermillion with him I volunteered to watch her. I'm actually really excited. I think it's going to be a ton of fun. And I know that when I was her age and my mom had one of my brother's friends stay with me it was amazing! So I'm glad I can do that for her. :]

At this point...I'm real excited for school. But I could see it going 2 ways.
Way one-Amazing. And totally takes my mind off of everything that makes me sad.
Way two-Much too overwhelming with everything that makes me sad already on my mind.
I'm hoping for way one. Haha.

~Love~