Here we go again....

Sean told me about the post depression high...but he never warned me of the depression coming back...

Crying myself to sleep has come back to be a pretty regular thing the past few nights again. I can't stop crying...no matter how hard I try. I hate this. I thought it was gone...why is it coming back? I'm not going to be able to handle school like this...fml...

Let's start with my dad...
He was supposed to call me on the 24th of July. Specific I know, but that's me. He never did. "Stood me up" you could say. Every time I give him another chance and start to the think he might have actually changed he does this again. Just normally I see him more than once before it happens again. My therapist keeps telling me that deep down I want to see him and that I want to have a relationship with him. I really don't think I do. If he really hates me this much why would I want that? He obviously doesn't like me. At least not as much as he likes my brothers. As far as his girlfriend situation it went like this...Matt and Zach met her. I was lied to and told that they broke up. So yeah. He obviously likes me a whole lot. Why can't I just forget about him? I never want to talk to him again. Sometimes I think Ginny has it way easier. Her dad was a lot worse than mine...but at least she just got to completely kick him out of her life. That would make everything so much easier. I can't take this anymore...

The other thing that is upsetting me I'm kind of worried to write about...
So...it's Rich. Dumb I know. I really thought I was over him. I haven't cried over him or missed him in such a long time. But now...it's like I'm right back to where I started. Him moving on and having a new girlfriend is killing me. Idk why. But it is. And reading his blog when talking about the past he only talks about Zoey. I meant absolutely nothing to him. He meant everything to me. Absolutely everything. And I was just a little flicker in his life. There for just a second...nice to have for a moment. But he didn't give a crap when I was gone. I know he might read this and that will probably start another fight...but I don't think I could feel any worse than I do right now. So there's no point in preventing it. Me and Libby were talking and we realized it is so so unfair that the ones who do the heart breaking have no pain at all. Rich completely dumped me and I went into a depression. He completely moved on and didn't care. For someone who claims to have had his heart broken by Zoey...he sure doesn't care when he does it to other people. I feel like I'm going to vomit. I can't take this anymore...

Libby. I'm sorry for dumping everything on you. I feel like you are the only one I can talk to anymore. I feel like the world is closing in on me...The only thing I can see is the spark of light that is you helping me through this. You thought your job was done...I'm sorry to tell you that I don't think it is. I can't take this anymore....help me................

On a good note....Libby hung out with Rich last night...which I'm guessing means that they are friends again. Which is good. Cause I felt terrible about ripping them apart. So I'm glad that they pieced it back together...I wish I could have helped. But luckily they figured it out on their own. But that's all I got. I think I'm going to go curl up in bed....

Peace. :]